My notes from MBSR

9 attitudes of mindfulness. It is an active lifelong process. There is no enlightenment or a state of permanent wisdom. It is the gradual cultivation of the following attitudes. 

1. Beginner's Mind
2. Non-judging
3. Non-striving: Not doing but being. Being with the unfolding of life moment to moment without having any agenda.
4. Acceptance
5. Letting go: (means letting be when evidence suggests they have already been), eg, Monkey traps itself by grasping the banana in a cage. It's just like our breath. If we do not release our breath, we cannot take the next breath.
6. Trust: Just like we trust that our cells, organs, and systems take care of themselves. Why can't we trust our brains and hearts? Our brain trusts in letting go, so it sleeps.
7. Patience: Things will unfold in their own time, and we cannot hurry. It's because we are never really present, anytime and anywhere.
8. Gratitude:
9. Generosity: It enhances interconnectedness.

WEEK 1: SIMPLE AWARENESS/ Introduction to raisin meditation and body scan 

The Power of Mindfulness: What You Practice Grows Stronger | Shauna Shapiro

• Mindfulness is not just attention. It is intention + attitude + attention. It is intentional kind attention.
• Neuroplasticity says What You Practice Grows Stronger. If you are judging and complaining, judging and complaining will get stronger, not mindfulness.
• Mindfulness strengthens the center of attention, learning, and compassion in our brain.
• All I have learned is two things:

1. Mindfulness works.
2. Shame shuts down attention, learning, and compassion. And it does not work. Every part of you needs kind attention so you can transform.

• Hug yourself. Put your hands on your heart or shoulder. It will release oxytocin and say, "I love you." Practice it so this bubble of self-love strengthens and never breaks and leaves you loney and lost.

Mindfulness is like exercise and gym - Daron Larson

• True change comes from focusing on the present rather than fixating on outcomes. By learning to observe sensory details in everyday moments, individuals can disrupt habitual narratives that often lead to stress and dissatisfaction, ultimately cultivating a greater sense of presence and acceptance in their lives.
• Mindfulness changes one's relationship with discomfort. You don't complain. Your heart is racing, you are running out of breath, and you have aches and burning while doing gym because you know it is good for your health.
Daron Larson is a mindfulness coach who uses the framework of physical fitness to help people develop attentional fitness skills. He guides people seeking deep focus, self-awareness, and resiliency and uses his attentional fitness philosophy to provide personalized guidance, exercises, and resources.
• Embracing life's messiness can lead to feeling more at home in one's experience.
• Living in the present will go a lot better when you accept how frequently the present sucks.
• The narrative mode of attention wasn't always our default. Louise Gluck says, We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory. Noticing that you're alive is a taste that adults have to reacquire. People think they don't have time to practice paying attention in the way I'm describing, but I think what we really resist is being willing to set aside our unresolved story problems, even for a few seconds.

Keypoint: Discomfort tolerance and surfing the urge

• Emotions show up physiologically in the body, and they connect to thoughts. Befriend your bodies.
• Insight into the difference between "healing" and simply "fixing" problems.
• Call to transition from a mindset of "doing" to "being," highlighting the essence of human existence.
• Shift from DOING to BEING!!

• In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.
• All bodies are beautiful.

“Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body.”

― James Joyce, Dubliners

Summary of "A Painful Case"– James Joyce (Dubliners)

Mr. James Duffy, a solitary and fastidious Dublin bank cashier, lives a rigid, emotionless life, deliberately avoiding intimacy. He meets Mrs. Emily Sinico, an unhappily married woman who shares his intellectual interests. They form a platonic but emotionally charged friendship, meeting regularly to discuss literature and life. When Mrs. Sinico makes a tentative gesture of affection, Duffy recoils, cutting off all contact. Four years later, he reads a newspaper report about her death—a drunken accident (possibly suicide)—and realizes his cold rejection may have contributed to her decline.

Emotional Paralysis – Duffy’s fear of human connection leaves him isolated.
Missed Epiphany – Unlike other Dubliners, Duffy’s moment of self-awareness comes too late—he recognizes his loneliness but remains unchanged.
Death-in-Life– Mrs. Sinico’s physical death mirrors Duffy’s living death of the soul.

"He lived at a little distance from his own body, regarding his own acts with doubtful side-glances.”

The line is a lyrical epigram, compressing Duffy’s existential flaw into a single metaphor.

Reflects Joyce’s modernist focus on inner alienation and the failures of self-awareness.

The story ends with Duffy wandering alone at night, hearing a train’s mournful whistle—symbolizing his irreversible separation from humanity. Joyce critiques the self-imposed exile of those who reject love and vulnerability.

 
While some forms of meditation involve focusing on a sound or phrase to reduce distracting thoughts, mindfulness training does the opposite. In mindfulness meditation, you don't ignore distracting thoughts, sensations, or physical discomfort; rather, you focus on them.

One frustrated participant came to the clinic with this question: "Can a fish know it is in water? I

don't think it is possible because if you take the fish out of the water, it will die." He saw himself

as someone immersed in a cloudy mindstew, unable to gain perspective on himself or his world.

Was there the possibility that he could see himself and his thought patterns more clearly?

In the practice of mindfulness meditation, one can cultivate the sense of oneself as a present

moment awareness that observes the thoughts that arise in the mind and views them as

something to be noted, perhaps responded to, but not to be identified with as "me." As one begins

to quiet the mind, this view of our thoughts in relation to ourselves can be cultivated more and

more deeply, which can result in more clarity about who we really are. When we realize we are

not our thoughts, we can explore them more deeply and begin to move into a greater stillness

that offers us further information about who we may really be at our core. Just as the ocean has

waves on the surface of the water as well as the silent depths below, we too can know the thought

patterns on the surface, as well as the quiet depths within. And so, in answer to this patient's

question, the fish does have the possibility of knowing something of the water it is in.

 

Paraphrasing James Joyce in one of his short stories in Dubliners , “Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from

his body.” That may be an address too many of us share. Taking the miracle of embodiment for granted

is a horrific loss. It would be a profound healing of our lives to get back in touch with it. All it takes is

practice in coming to our senses, all of them. 

-Jon Kabat-Zin

 

Body Scan Meditation:

It involves systematically sweeping through the body with the mind, bringing an affectionate, openhearted, interested attention to its various regions.

 Mindful eating:

Thinking and awareness are two separate faculties and cannot work together.  While you are thinking, you cannot be aware of reality. Thoughts are distractions from reality, as J Krishnamurti says.

Why can’t I think, walk, and be aware of the taste of the tart at the same time? I can’t do all these at once because the mind has two distinct functions, thinking and awareness. When the thinking is turned up, the awareness is turned down. When the thinking function is going full throttle, we can eat an entire meal, an entire cake, an entire carton of ice cream, and not taste more than a bite or two. When we don’t taste, we can end up stuffed to the gills but feeling completely unsatisfied. This is because the mind and mouth weren’t present, weren’t tasting or enjoying, as we ate. The stomach became full but the mind and mouth were unfulfilled and continued calling for us to eat.

WEEK 2: ATTENTION AND THE BRAIN: Introduction to sitting meditation

Simply noticing that your attention has moved to another object is, in itself, mindfulness in action. Mindfulness includes both a concentrated attention (think laser beam) AND a capacity to perceive a larger picture (think floodlight). Both are important. Focusing on only one thing leaves the larger picture unseen, and maintaining only a broad focus does not allow exploration of the parts.

In a Washington, DC Metro Station, Joshua Bell, one of the world’s greatest violinists, played a beautiful, intricate, moving piece on a violin worth over 3 million dollars. During the 43 minutes he played, 1,097 people walked by. Only seven stopped to listen, and even those seven paused for only a few minutes. Three days before, Joshua Bell had played the same music to a sold-out audience in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each. His minimum fee for playing a public concert was $75,000. How could so many people have walked by?

How many amazingly beautiful things do we miss in a day, simply because of the pace of our

lives and the intense focus on getting to the next thing?

Simply noticing that your attention has moved to another object is, in itself, mindfulness in

action. Mindfulness includes both a concentrative attention (think laser beam) AND a capacity to perceive a larger picture (think floodlight). Both are important. Focusing on only one thing leaves the larger picture unseen, and maintaining only a broad focus does not allow exploration of the parts.

“There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

- Einstein

 Meditation is not about getting rid of thoughts, but about changing our relationship with them. 

WEEK 3: DEALING WITH THOUGHTS: Introduction to yoga

In fact, the kind of meditation you are learning is more about working skillfully with any internal or external experience, and isn't really about "getting rid" of thoughts and distractions. In fact, it can be said that wandering thoughts are the weights that train the muscles of the mind.

Mindful hatha yoga is the third major formal meditation technique that we practice in the stress clinic, along with the body scan and sitting meditation.

Work at or within your body’s limits at all times, with the intention of observing and exploring the boundary between what your body can do and where it says, “Stop for now.” Never stretch beyond this limit to the point of pain. Some discomfort is inevitable when you are working at your limits, but you will need to learn how to enter this healthy “stretching zone” slowly and mindfully so that you are nourishing your body, not damaging it as you explore your limits.

Non-striving mind.

In letting go of wanting something special to occur, maybe we can realize that something very special is already occurring, and is always occurring, namely life emerging in each moment as awareness itself. 

Awareness + intention +attitude = Mindfulness

Psychoneuroimmunology puts stress on positive thought, and it made me more anxious that its the reason I am having frequent viral infections, and I will die young or have cancer because I will not have enough NK cells. But it's the tyranny of positivity. Let's be mindful and not strive for any positive changes. Let it happen at its own pace and unfold its mystery.

Thoughts are self-eliminating bubbles.

Man is a thinking animal and cannot do without thinking. Yet thoughts are good servants but bad masters. Many of them are repetitive and self-sabotaging. You can count your thoughts. And return to the home base of the body a million times. Returning to home base is to be celebrated, do not say I am a bad meditator, and my mind wandered... 

Our thoughts are real but not true...-Tara Brach

They are your thoughts; don't identify with them. Everything is half truth, and you do not know where the truth lies.

The story of Mullah Nasaruddhin saying to guard" I am going to be hanged."

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE AND RADICAL COMPASSION (TARA BRUCH):

Mohini lived in the National Zoo in Washington, DC, in the 1970s. After being kept in a small cage for many years, Mohini was transferred to an enclosure with acres of space, trees and even a pond. Her owners at the zoo were sure she'd love her spacious new home. But they were mistaken. Mohini lived the rest of her life in just one corner of her new enclosure, pacing an area the size of her old cage until the grass wore away beneath her paws. In other words, despite the “freedom” on offer, her mind kept her trapped in old patterns of behavior. Just like Mohini, many of us remain stuck in our habits, even though greater freedom is possible. But what exactly keeps us encaged? Instead of iron and concrete, it’s self-judgment and feelings of inadequacy.

Mindfulness, the Mind, and Addictive Behavior - Judson Brewer

"Just as a tree, though cut down, sprouts up again if its roots remain uncut and firm, even so, until the craving that lies dormant is rooted out, suffering springs up again and again." - Dhammapada

I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no. (Rolling stones, 1965/ Britney Spears)

Deaddiction: And the hypothesis is, that if craving is a fire and smoking is the fuel for that fire, if you stop adding the fuel, that fire should be there for a bit but eventually die down.

Craving to Quit app.

Smoking and eating causes 50% of the health care problems.

Self talk causes decreased performance and flow state causes increased performance.

Self talk and default mode causes posterior cingulate cortex activation but mindfulness does the opposite, it activates the anterior cingulate cortex and increased attention.

WEEK 4: STRESS: RESPONDING VS REACTING: STOP: The one-minute breathing space.

Robert Sapolsky (Why Zebra don't have ulcers)

Adrenaline and glucocorticoids as the two primary hormones in the stress response.
Contrast between animal and human stress responses, humans often activate stress responses without real threats. Insights into how prolonged stress responses can be more damaging than the stressors themselves.
Stimulation is a positive form of stress that people seek out, even pay for it when it is in safe circumstances.

Two types of stress 

1. Acute - Acute stress prepares us for fight or flight, and is generally short-term. 

After the amygdala sends a distress signal, the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system by sending signals through the autonomic nerves to the adrenal glands. These glands respond by pumping the hormone epinephrine (also known as adrenaline) into the bloodstream. As epinephrine circulates through the body, it brings on a number of physiological changes. The heart beats faster than normal, pushing blood to the muscles, heart, and other vital organs. Pulse rate and blood pressure go up. The person undergoing these changes also starts to breathe more rapidly. Small airways in the lungs open wide. This way, the lungs can take in as much oxygen as possible with each breath. Extra oxygen is sent to the brain, increasing alertness. Sight, hearing, and other senses become sharper. Meanwhile, epinephrine triggers the release of blood sugar (glucose) and fats from temporary storage sites in the body. These nutrients flood into the bloodstream, supplying energy to all parts of the body.

2. Chronic – Chronic stress is long term and is the main cause of stress-related health problems.

Chronic stress occurs when continuous acute stress responses keep the body on alert continuously, negatively affecting health. The ongoing stress response causes the hypothalamus and pituitary gland (portions of the brain) to release a chemical known as ACTH (adrenocorticotropic hormone). ACTH, known as the “stress hormone” stimulates the adrenal gland to produce and release cortisol. Cortisol is one of the hormones associated with waking and sleeping. Levels of cortisol naturally fluctuate during the day. Cortisol levels are highest in the morning and lowest at night. Higher levels of cortisol in the morning help us wake up. When chronic stress stimulates cortisol production, the daily cycle of cortisol levels is disrupted. High levels of cortisol may occur at night. This can result in insomnia.

Cortisol promotes the synthesis of glucose from proteins in order to make more glucose available as fuel in response to stressful situations. This reduces lean muscle mass and increases blood sugar levels. Research has shown that cortisol also increases the depostion of abdominal fat and increases cravings for food, especially carbohydrates (sugars). This helps to set up the vicious cycle of stress and overeating (especially of unhealthy foods), which created more stress and more overeating, etc. By supporting a person’s adrenal glands and lowering cortisol output, this vicious cycle can be broken.

Techniques to counter stress:

Relaxation response: Dr. Herbert Benson, director emeritus of the Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital, has devoted much of his career to learning how people can counter the stress response by using a combination of approaches that elicit the relaxation response. These include deep abdominal breathing, focus on a soothing word (such as peace or calm), visualization of tranquil scenes, repetitive prayer, yoga, and tai chi.

Physical activity: People can use exercise to stifle the buildup of stress in several ways. Exercise, such as taking a brisk walk shortly after feeling stressed, not only deepens breathing but also helps relieve muscle tension. Movement therapies such as yoga, tai chi, and qi gong combine fluid movements with deep breathing and mental focus, all of which can induce calm. 

Social support: Confidants, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, relatives, spouses, and companions all provide a life-enhancing social net — and may increase longevity. It's not clear why, but the buffering theory holds that people who enjoy close relationships with family and friends receive emotional support that indirectly helps to sustain them at times of stress and crisis.

AAHAR: BIHAR : BICHAR

How stress affects our brain:

Chronic stress --> prolonged exposure to stress hormones like cortisol can alter brain structure and functionality. It discusses the role of the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis in stress response and the implications of elevated cortisol levels, including effects on memory, concentration, and potential links to mental health issues like depression and Alzheimer's disease. It has epigenetic effects on genes and can be transferred to future generations. Hence is the significance of maternal care in stress sensitivity and offers strategies for mitigating stress effects, specifically through exercise and meditation.

How to make stress your friend | Kelly McGonigal

By framing stress responses as helpful rather than harmful, individuals can experience enhanced performance and resilience, ultimately leading to healthier stress responses.

A study showed a 43% increase in death risk for those who believe stress is harmful. Participants who viewed stress positively showed the lowest risk of dying in the study.

"Chasing meaning is better for your health than avoiding discomfort...so the best way to make a decision is to go after what creates meaning in your life and then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows"

Oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone," plays its role in stress and social bonding. She emphasises the importance of caring for others during stressful times, highlighting its protective effects.

A shift in focus from getting rid of stress to becoming better at managing it.  We can transform our experience with stress through mindset and social connections.

“Caring creates resilience"

Purposefully viewing the body's anxious response/symptoms just as excitement or something else POSITIVE, it has helped!

Harnessing the upsides of stress:

Changing your mindset doesn't mean taking a Pollyanna (toxic positivity) view of the world. The key isn't to deny stress, but to recognize and acknowledge it — and then to find the upside, because a full-throttle fight-or-flight response is not the only possible reaction to stress (at least when the stress does not involve a potentially life-threatening situation). In people with a more stress-hardy mindset, the stress response is often tempered by the challenge response, which accounts for the so-called excite-and-delight experience that some people have in stressful situations, such as skydiving. Like the typical stress response, the challenge response also affects the cardiovascular system, but instead of constricting blood vessels and ramping up inflammation in anticipation of wounds, it allows for maximum blood flow, much like exercise.

Another modification to the stress response is called tend-and-befriend. It explains why, after the September 11 terrorist attacks in 2001, the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, or the 2016 massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, people felt the need to reach out to friends and relatives in the community — to assure themselves that loved ones were all right, to comfort the distressed or bereaved, and to shore up social networks. Connecting in this way actually helps reduce stress as opposed to, say, watching an endless loop of TV coverage. That's because tend-and-befriend also involves different balances of hormones — in particular, increased levels of oxytocin, which enhances bonding between a mother and child or between sexual partners, for example. It makes the brain's reward centers more responsive to social contact, and it is an important part of resilience.

Studies have shown that when participants are told "You're the kind of person whose performance improves under pressure," it does — by as much as one-third. 

A 2015 book called The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal gives multiple ideas. Here are just a few suggestions: 

• When you notice a racing heart — for example, before you give a presentation or initiate a tough conversation — realize that your body is trying to give you more energy and see if you can capitalize on that. 

• If you are feeling nervous, pause to consider why, and ask yourself if it's because you're doing something that matters to you and therefore reinforces your values and gives meaning to your life. 

• Don't deny the stress, but redirect your energy away from it and toward the task at hand. 

• If you are feeling overwhelmed with work or cares, try doing some small act of kindness for someone and note the mental reward you reap. 

• Nurture your social networks. Caring creates resilience. 

• Try to focus on the larger purpose of whatever you're doing. When you're stuck in a traffic jam taking your daughter to school, remember that it's because you love her and want her to get a good education. 

• Whatever you're doing, don't pretend that stress doesn't exist. People who deny it tend to isolate themselves and reinforce their fears. Instead, ask yourself why you're experiencing this stress and look for any positive aspects to it. Are you learning something from it? Are you gaining strength? Are you connecting with people on a more fundamental level? Do you feel more intensely alive?

The magic quarter second: Tara Brach, the author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge.

In the book My Stroke of Insight, brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor explains that the natural life span of an emotion—the average time it takes for it to move through the nervous system and body—is only a minute and a half, a mere ninety seconds. After that, we need thoughts to keep the emotion rolling. So, if we wonder why we lock into painful emotional states like anxiety, depression, or rage, we need look no further than our own endless stream of inner dialogue.

Modern neuroscience has discovered a fundamental truth: Neurons that fire together, wire together. When we rehearse a looping set of thoughts and emotions, we create deeply grooved patterns of emotional reactivity. This means that the more you think and rethink about certain experiences, the stronger the memory and the more easily activated the related feelings become.

Researcher Benjamin Libet discovered that the part of the brain responsible for movement activates a quarter-second before we become aware of our intention to move. There is then another quartersecond before the movement begins. What does this mean? First, it casts an interesting light on what we call “free will”—before we make a conscious decision, our brain has already set the gears in motion! But secondly, it offers us an opportunity. Say you’ve been obsessing about having a cigarette. During the space between impulse (“I need to smoke a cigarette”) and action (reaching for the pack), there is room for choice. Author Tara Bennett Goleman named this space “the magic quartersecond.” Mindfulness enables us to take advantage of it. 

The psychology of stress - Robert Sapolsky

Back to a term I guarantee you had in ninth grade biology. With any luck, you have not thought about this word since then. Do you remember homeostasis? Homeostasis... Having an ideal body temperature... An ideal level of glucose in the blood stream... Having an ideal everything...Being in homeostatic balance... A stressor is anything in the outside world that knocks you out of homeostatic balance. You're some zebra, and a lion has leapt out and ripped your stomach open, and your innards are dragging in the dust... And you still need to get out of there. This counts as being out of homeostatic balance. Or...you're that lion who's half-starved to death, and if you don't manage to chase something down to eat, you're not going to survive the night. A short-term physical crisis... And the stress response is what you do with your body--you secrete adrenaline and eleventy other hormones I won't torture you with. The stress response reestablishes homeostatic balance. That's all you need to know about the subject--if you're a zebra or a lion. If you're a human, though, you've got to expand the definition in a very critical way... Which is, among us, some of the time we turn on the stress response because we've had a challenge to homeostatic balance, all of that sort of thing. But some of the time, we turn on the stress response because we think we're just about to be stressed. And if turns out that you're right, hooray for you. You know, here comes the elephant. You don't have to wait to be stomped by it before increasing your blood pressure. You can have an anticipatory stress response, which is great. On the other hand, if you think that way all the time and you're constantly assuming that there are stressors coming that do not really exist, we have technical terms for you--you're being neurotic as hell. You're being anxious, you're being paranoid, you're being hostile. You're being profoundly human. Sit down a hippo and try to describe what the prime lending rate is, and he's going to have no idea what you're talking about. But we do. And that's the central concept in the whole field. We cognitively, socially sophisticated primates turn on the exact same stress response as does that zebra running for its life or a lion running for a meal. And we turn it on for purely psychological reasons. We turn it on with memories, with emotions, with thoughts, and the whole punch line is--is that's not what it evolved for. What stress is like for 99% of the beasts on this planet is three minutes of screaming terror in the Savanna, after which it's either over with or you're over with. And what do we do? We turn on the identical stress response for 30-year mortgages. And that's where you begin to get the wear and tear of the system.

Leaves Falling Gently by Susan Bauer‑Wu  is a concise, compassionate toolkit that guides readers to live fully despite serious illness. Its threefold focus—mindfulness, compassion, and connection—is delivered through gentle practices, scientific grounding, and reflective storytelling. It speaks not only to patients but also caregivers and anyone facing life’s inevitable fragility, helping them navigate with presence, kindness, and resilience.

We have brain and body (gut - the butterflies in the stomach). The vagus nerve acts as a two-way conduit: it relays gut sensations up to the brain and brain commands down to organs. This has role in modulating fear memory suggests new therapeutic potential for PTSD by combining VNS with exposure therapy to improve fear extinction.

NB:

Stress isn’t inherently evil—it’s our adaptive system—but problems occur when it’s chronic and uncontrollable, overwhelming the body’s ability to reset. This leads to wear on the brain and body. Breaking the cycle requires both external support (social, political, economic) and internal tools (coping strategies, mindset, resilience). Effective stress control hinges on support systems, sense of control, and positive emotional buffers.

 

WEEK 5: DEALING WITH DIFFICULT EMOTIONS AND PHYSICAL PAIN: 

TURNING TOWARDS RATHER THAN RETURNING TO ANCHOR.

Tara Brach's book Radical Acceptance: There are 2 wings of radical acceptance: Clear seeing and self-compassion.

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. – Carl Rogers

 RAIN by Tara Bruch

Recognize what is going on;
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
Investigate with interest and care;
Nurture with self-compassion.

"pain x resistance= suffering"
"pain x presence = freedom."

Vidyamala Burch, co-founder of Breathworks, offers a Five-Step Model of Mindfulness particularly relevant to managing pain, stress, and illness. Her approach blends mindfulness with compassion, and it’s grounded in lived experience and practical application.

1. Awareness

• Pause and notice what’s happening in your body, mind, and emotions.

• Acknowledge your experience without trying to change it.

• Begin to distinguish between primary suffering (the raw sensations) and secondary suffering (the mental/emotional reactivity layered on top).

2. Turning Toward Difficulty

• Instead of resisting or avoiding discomfort, gently turn toward it with kindness and curiosity.

• This doesn’t mean wallowing, but rather acknowledging what’s here, which paradoxically can ease the intensity of suffering.

3. Seeking the Pleasant

• Balance the awareness of difficulty by actively noticing pleasant or neutral experiences in the moment.

• This could be a breeze on the skin, the breath, a sound—anything that feels nourishing or soothing.

• It helps build emotional resilience and trains the mind to recognize goodness alongside challenge.

4. Broadening Awareness

• Shift from a narrow focus on discomfort to a wider field of awareness, like zooming out.

• This creates spaciousness around suffering—seeing it as part of a larger whole, not all-consuming.

• The breath or body as a whole can be an anchor here.

5. Choice

• From this spacious, balanced awareness, you are empowered to respond wisely rather than react automatically.

• This step emphasizes agency and compassionate action, choosing how to relate to yourself and your experience with care. 

Her experience:

I mean it really was a dark night of the soul, and I had these two voices in my head, and one voice was saying, "I can't bear it, I'm gonna go crazy". It was all about getting through til the morning when I could lie down again. So, it's "I can't bear it", "I can't get through till the morning", "I'm gonna go crazy!' - " But you can't!" - "But you have to!" - "But I can't!" - "But you will" - "I can't!" "You will! - "I can't stand up" - "I'm gonna go crazy" - "No you're not". ... and it was getting tighter and tighter and tighter, like, tremendous distress. And then a third voice came in, and I've never known where this voice came from. And the voice said, "You don't have to get through till the morning. You just have to live this moment - and this one - and this one - and this one - and this one..." And my experience changed. It went from being very, very, tight and contracted and full of anxiety to being more confident. I wouldn't say I was confident. That's putting too big a spin on it, but there was a sense of, "Oh yes, I can. I can do this - now - now - now - now..." And of course I did get through to the morning, obviously, but I was profoundly changed. So I always say that that night, that moment, is the axis upon which my life has turned. I had a life up to that point, and I've had another life since that point, trying to make sense of that moment. What does it really mean to be fully present? Because I saw quite directly that the future is a dream and the past is a memory, and the only moment we can really live is now...

Susan David

“Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility.” 

“We are healthy until a diagnosis brings us to our knees”. “Tough emotions are the part of our contract for life.” 

"You want what dead people want if you want to get rid of your emotions."

“I am noticing I am feeling, instead of I am.. (insert emotions). “You are not your emotion."

"Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life."

 

THIS BELONGS

Thupten Jinpa

Metaphor introduced: mindfulness practice compared to holding a baby.

You hold, you keep holding the baby whether the baby is laughing and giggling, or happy, or the baby is being so annoying and crying.

Kristin Neff:

WEEK 6: MINDFULNESS AND COMMUNICATION: Mountain and lake meditation.

To listen is to lean in softly

With a willingness to be changed

By what we hear.

– Mark Nepo –

The Power of Empathy in Communication: A wonderful story about how a little girl’s meltdown in a day-care is transformed by a single expression of recognition, and empathy, "Baby, you want to go home." We all want to be heard.

The Art of Being Heard: Three principles of mindful communication (timing, listening, agenda-less-ness).

The Sacred Art of Listening: Tara Brach.

"We spend most of our moments when someone is speaking, planning what we’re going to say, evaluating it, trying to come up with our presentation of ourselves, or controlling the situation. Pure listening is a letting go of control. It’s not easy and takes training… The bottom line is that when we are listened to, we feel connected. When we’re not listened to, we feel separate. The more we understand, the less we fear; the less we fear, the more we trust and the more we trust, the more love can flow.

When dealing with others, blame is easy and empathy is difficult.

Non-violent communication (NVC) Process: First, we observe what the others are saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life. The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation. Next, we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated? And thirdly, we say what needs of ours are connected to the feelings we have identified. An awareness of these three components is present when we use NVC to clearly and honestly express how we are. For example, a mother might express these three pieces to her teenage son by saying, “Felix, when I see two balls of soiled socks under the coffee table and another three next to the TV, I feel irritated because I need more order in the rooms that we share in common.” She would follow immediately with the fourth component – a very specific request: “Would you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine?” This fourth component addresses what we want from the other person that would enrich our lives or make life more wonderful for us. Thus, part of NVC is to express these four pieces of information very clearly, whether verbally or by other means. The other part of this communication consists of receiving the same four pieces of information from others. We connect with them by first sensing what they are observing, feeling, and needing; then we discover what would enrich their lives by receiving the fourth piece — their request. As we keep our attention focused on the areas mentioned, and help others do likewise, we establish a flow of communication, back and forth, until compassion manifests naturally: what I am observing, feeling, and needing; what I am requesting to enrich my life; what you are observing, feeling and needing; what you are requesting to enrich your life …

WEEK 7: MINDFULNESS AND COMPASSION: Loving kindness and walking meditation.

Compassion, especially self-compassion, is the oil that makes the gears of mindfulness work. Without it, the practice becomes dry, harsh, and counter-productive

Survival of the kindest. The archeological discovery of a healing femur.

Self-love is not selfish.

May you be happy, healthy, and whole, (picturing them receiving your wishes for them) 

May you have love, warmth, and affection, 

May you be protected from harm and free from fear, 

May you be alive, engaged, and joyful …may you experience inner peace and ease

WEEK 8: CONCLUSION: Developing a practice of your own

You may decide that you would like to continue the practice in a formal way, incorporating in your schedule a sitting meditation or yoga, for instance, or you may already have an idea of how you would incorporate into your life one or more of the many informal practices (e.g., simple awareness, STOP, "Turning Toward", mindful walking).

Do not help; serve!

Do not fix; heal!!

There is a distance between ourselves and whatever or whomever we are fixing. Fixing is a form
of judgment. All judgment creates distance, a disconnection, an experience of difference. In fixing,
there is an inequality of expertise that can easily become a moral distance. We cannot serve at a
distance. We can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected, that which we are willing
to touch. This is Mother Teresa's basic message. We serve life not because it is broken but because
it is holy.

The Rabbi's Gift - M. Scott Peck

A once great but now struggling monastery has dwindled to just a handful of aging monks. Desperate for revival, the abbot visits a nearby rabbi for advice. The rabbi sighs and says, "The Messiah is among you."

Confused, the monks return and ponder the meaning of this cryptic message. They begin treating each other with profound reverence, wondering if one of them could be the Messiah in disguise. Over time, their renewed kindness, humility, and mutual respect radiate outward. Visitors are drawn to the monastery’s renewed spirit, and the community flourishes again.